Cow Politics

[TDK]

Cow Politics:

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.

The cow is schizophrenic.

Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.

The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.

The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.

The cow asks permission to be cut in half.

The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.

Some people vote for both.

Some people vote for neither.

Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegal.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

[catmendo]

i play, the market game (stock), and I can easily prove, to anyone here, that i make crazy money

by dancing the dance ... and this is from, a post that one of my oldest friends posted to me ...

thanks, Lloyd H. ...

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TAX

Ok, I did not write this, but here are some great points about this, and the supporting link and study to go with it:

"Barack Obama has been toying with the idea of imposing a tax on windfall profits on US oil companies. Take a look at this latest statement he made in Raleigh, North Carolina. He said, "I'll make oil companies like Exxon pay a tax on their windfall profits, and we'll use the money to help families pay for their skyrocketing energy costs and other bills." Gee, that sounds like a wealth distribution plan if I've ever heard one. Rob from the rich to give to the "poor."

Ok .. first of all, just what are "windfall profits?" Does anyone have a handy definition? Might I offer one? darn right I might. Try this: "A tax levied on a industry by a politician eager to pander to economically ignorant voters who, for whatever reason, are upset with that industry."

This term "windfall profits" has become another buzzword for liberals, and particularly the Barack Obama campaign. A majority of Americans probably couldn't tell you the first thing about windfall profits ... but the word inflicts these feelings of evil and wealth envy. Therefore, the Obama campaign will continue to use this fancy term to get you all riled up. Politicians are good at that.

Once again we run up against the economic ignorance of the American people. Most people couldn't tell you the difference between a profit and a profit margin if their flat-screen TVs depended on it. The profit margins – the amount of money they earn for a dollar of sales – have actually declined a bit. Banking institutions, cosmetics companies and pharmaceutical companies are just part of a long list of businesses that earn more than the evil oil companies.

Hopefully most Americans have enough economic smarts to know that the profits from these oil companies belong to the shareholders. Problem is, these people probably think that the shares in these oil companies are fat-cat insiders just reaping millions a year from their investments.

Wrong.

Throughout the oil and natural gas industries only about 1.5% of the stock is owned by company executives. Now this statistic doesn't come from the oil companies themselves, the numbers – and the numbers that follow – come from Bill Clinton's undersecretary of commerce for economic affairs; one Robert J. Shapiro.

Here's what Shapiro has to say about the ownership of the other 98.5% of oil company shares: "The data show that ownership of industry shares is broadly middle class, with the majority of industry shares held by institutional investors, often on behalf of millions of Americans through mutual funds, pension funds and individual retirement accounts."

So ... when Barack Obama talks about a windfall profits tax, just who's money is he going to seize? He's talking about taking the savings, investments and retirement funds of middle class Americans.

Pardon my language ... but would you folks please wise up out there? Quit being so damned ignorant to what is really going on!

You want more details on just who owns the shares? OK, I have those details. Just remember, when Obama talks about windfall profits --- THESE are the people who's money he plans to seize:

Again ... from the Shapiro study:

Almost 43 percent of oil and natural gas company shares are owned by mutual funds and asset management companies that have mutual funds. Mutual funds manage accounts for 55 million U.S. households with a median income of $68,700.

Twenty seven percent of shares are owned by other institutional investors like pension funds. In 2004, more than 2,600 pension funds run by federal, state and local governments held almost $64 billion in shares of U.S. oil and natural gas companies. These funds represent the major retirement security for the nation's current and retired soldiers, teachers, and police and fire personnel at every level of government.

Fourteen percent of shares are held in IRA and other personal retirement accounts. Forty five million U.S. households have IRA and other personal retirement accounts, with an average account value of just over $22,000.

You see? The people listed in this study are ... YOU! Not fat-cat oil company executives. Not George Bush and Dick Cheney. This is YOUR money he's after ... YOUR money he wants to seize to create yet another government entitlement program ... helping people buy gas and pay electricity bills.

Someone (perhaps John Wayne) once said that it is too bad stupidity isn't painful. Well, in this case is just might be. Look at those median incomes above. That's you, my friends ... and if you sit by and let this anti-capitalist leftist rail against the oil companies; if you sit by and let him pander to the ignorance of the American voters with this idiotic "windfall profits tax" crap ... then try not to *smurf* when your retirement doesn't turn out to be as sweet as you thought it would."

http://www.energytomorrow.org/media_center..._Pham_Study.pdf

So, there you have it. Oba-Juan Messiah will be taxing us all the way down to the lower middle class with this incentive. Even a smart Democrat (I just made a funny...) should be able to digest that and realize that this is pure power and control of all.

[WarrenJ]

"Barack Obama has been toying with the idea of imposing a tax on windfall profits tax on US oil companies.

Worked for Jimmy Carter didn't it? Well, no. It's clear Obama'd like to see nationalized Health Care as well. Now come the Democrats asking to nationalize the Oil Companies. Yep, that's "change." Sure worked for Hugo Chavez? Well, no.

I expect a little change is good from time to time, but "change" simply for the sake of "change" is just plain silly.

It's important to know just exactly what you're getting yourself into.

Regards,

Warren

[BodybyFisher]

You are getting me started. I liked the Cow story...very funny, and sad,

[BodybyFisher]

While sewing up a cut on the hand of a 75-year old west Texas rancher, the doctor struck up a conversation. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be the next President.

The old rancher said, “Well ya know somethin' son, Obama is what we used to call a ‘post turtle’.

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a “post turtle” was. The old rancher said, “When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's called a ‘post turtle’. The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain.

“You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dummy put him up there in the first place!!”