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Funny Car Jokes


jonny

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One day a woman thought she would make a littlemoney by doing some handyman things around the house. Well she thought that she would start off by going to every house that has a porch. She goes to her first house and it was a rich business man. He said sure, she could start right away. Anyways she gets going and and she does one coat and finds she still has paint left so she figured she could help out more. So Anyways she goes up to the business man after all this was done and says your porsche really looks great and i even had enough to paint the ferrari to! :D i thought it was pretty funny ....... dumb blondes...haha :P

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Signs The Car You Just Bought Is A Lemon

1. As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner rush out with a gigantic smile and high-five the salesman.

2. You notice that the car phone they threw in "for free" has a direct line to Moes's Towing Company.

3. The booster cables are not in the trunk but are permanently soldered to the battery.

4. The hood has been equipped with a push-button device for quick and easy opening.

5. The "Purchased From" sticker at the bottom of the rear license plate has been removed.

6. You get a "Good Luck" card from the previous owner.

7. As you drive up to a service station for gas, the mechanic opens the big door to the service bay and waves you in.

8. When you leave for work the next morning, you notice a tow truck parked about a block from your driveway. As you drive by, it silently falls in behind you.

9. The little "Service Engine" warning signal in the dashboard comes on and reads "It's Me Again."

10. Your car is the 'before' picture on the MAACO billboard.

1989 FWD Fleetwood, Silver

1995 STS Crimson Pearl on Black leather

1997 STS Diamond White

1999 STS Crimson Pearl

2001 STS Silver

2003 STS, Crimson Pearl

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This is so stupid, it's funny and true:

I was returning from the YMCA this afternoon with my 13 year old daughter and her friend. I pulled up to a brand new Pearl White STS at a stoplight and said to my daughter,"Look Lauren, that is the new re-designed STS".

She replied, "No Dad, it's a Peacock!!", and pointed to the dealership badge on the back.

I couldn't stop laughing trying to imagine an auto manufacturer calling a car a "Peacock".

(you had to be there...., ....to appreciate it, and yes, ....she is a 'blonde')

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The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.

He wanted a new pickup truck.

She wanted a fast little sports-like Saab car so she could zip through

traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but

everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4

seconds or less.

"And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services are pending at All Angels Funeral Home. :ph34r:

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I love this one:

A woman calls an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28-ounce water pump.

"A what?" says the confused parts guy.

"My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump."

"A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?"

"A Datsun."

As the parts guy writes down "Datsun, 28 oz. water pump" the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes ma'am. We've got 28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce water pumps too."

"Finally," she says. "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about."

"Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full service parts warehouse. It's our job to have the parts you need, like a 28-ounce water pump," he says, smiling, as he jots down customer pick-up, Datsun 280Z water pump, part number........

Spence

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A whole bunch of jokes can be found here:

http://www.autoswalk.com/greatjokes.html

If you really want to make people safe drivers again then simply remove all the safety features from cars. No more seat belts, ABS brakes, traction control, air bags or stability control. No more anything. You'll see how quickly people will slow down and once again learn to drive like "normal" humans.

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A truck driver was sitting at a table in the truck stop eating his breakfast.

A biker gang walked in and sat down at the trucker's table. One of the bikers grabbed the trucker's toast and started eating it. Another speared his steak and starting eating it. The other slide his plate over and started eating his eggs.

The trucker just slide his chair back, got up and silently walked out.

One of the bikers sneered at the waitress watching them and said, " That trucker ain't much of a man, is he..?..let'in us take his food..??"

"No," the waitress said, "and he ain't much of a truck driver, either. He just backed over a bunch of motorcycles in the parking lot when he left..."

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!

If you really want to make people safe drivers again then simply remove all the safety features from cars. No more seat belts, ABS brakes, traction control, air bags or stability control. No more anything. You'll see how quickly people will slow down and once again learn to drive like "normal" humans.

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