Woman Takes Duck To The Vet

[Texas Jim]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat.

The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot.

The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$200!" she cried, "$200 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the "Lab Report" and the "Cat Scan", it's now $200.

[airmike]

More

[Cadillac Jim]

There once was an Irishman with a 2,000-pound canary in Newbridge, southwest of Dublin. When the canary died, he had a problem. It was too big to bury, and he couldn’t just haul it someplace and let it rot because it was so big that it would cause a problem – that would be traced back to him – anywhere he left it.

So, the fellow took leave of his wife, hired a wagon and a barge, hauled the dead 2,000-pound canary to the waterfront, and managed to get it loaded onto the barge.

The canary was so large that it couldn’t be simply dumped overboard in the Irish Sea because the flocks of seagulls that would swarm for weeks would be a hazard to navigation along the ferry and shipping lanes, but our Irishman had another plan. When the barge landed in Holyhead, he got the 2,000-pound canary unloaded, then re-loaded and secured on a flatbed rail car.

He had the railroad ship the 2,000-pound canary hundreds of miles to the East, through London to Dover. There, he had the 2,000-pound canary unloaded, then re-loaded onto a large truck like that used for mining and land-clearing operations.

He had the truck drive to the famous White Cliffs of Dover, back up to the edge, and tip the 2,000-pound canary over the cliff into the English Channel, where the strong currents carried it away, safely clearing the shipping lanes in a few hours.

Our Irishman friend then trekked back to Ireland and his home in Newbridge. As he entered his home, exhausted, his wife asked how things had gone. He related the adventure to his wife, who then remarked “Isn’t that a long way to tip a canary?

[Texas Jim]